Brian Robison’s wife Jayme Robison was at one time a professional barrel racer, which I believe we’ve run across once before on playerwives, but I can’t recall who it was. Anyway, since you probably have no idea what barrel racing is: it’s when you ride a horse as fast as you can through a course made up of barrels. It’s pretty cool, and it’s way more interesting than dressage. There’s no jumps involved, but you can’t have it all. Those days are long behind her now that she’s had a little daughter with Mr. Robison.

The couple also have two dogs, Maddie and Drake, both small black terriers. They don’t get much airtime on the Robison Twitter feed though. Brian Robison’s wife would tell you without hesitation the one thing– that one activity– that dominates his life outside of football. That activity is undeniably fishing. You have never seen a football player whose as big a fisher than this guy, and Jayme herself is not a fan of the activity. Almost every single picture in his Twitter feed is him holding up a fish that he caught. How often do these two see each other? The guy’s always away fishing in the offseason! He does, of course, make plenty of time to get together with the fam and go on vacations. Jayme and Brian took their daughter on a trip to the beautiful Bahamas to that super resort called Atlantis, which I’ve driven by on a speedboat before. It’s pretty impressive. It’s sort of like a small town with a huge hotel and water slide.

Of course, now that you know about Brian’s fishing obsession, it won’t surprise you to know the family owns a boat. It’s mostly used exclusively by Brian, but Brian Robison’s wife isn’t totally out of the picture. On the contrary, she does all of his business negotiating along with his agent. It was written about in the Star Tribune how she’s a tough negotiator and did all of the tough contract work. Aside from that, she looks great as a Kiss fan– the couple dressed up as Gene Simmons and a groupie on Halloween back before they had their daughter. Gotta respect a committed Halloween costumer.

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Eddie Lacy’s girlfriend Jasmine Roussell is alleged by a woman who wrote into balleralert.com to have “stolen him away” from her. You gotta’ love that. It ain’t like this woman is getting some kind of revenge on Jasmine by alerting a website that she stole him away. What’s she’s really doing is making herself seem a fraction more important for all of five minutes before she goes back to faceless anonymity. But she did help to hip people to the new relationship, so we’ll thank her for that, whomever she was.

The real story here is the lovely Jasmine, and she’s quite the cute dish. She attended Tulane University and graduated in 2013, but she still works there as a Student Affairs Associate, which means she acts as a “liaison” between the students and the school’s Center for Public Service. Her small bio page on the campus website says she likes spending time with her family (which is evident in her social media) and also eating spicy boiled crawfish. Nobody really cares about her eating spicy boiled crawfish unless they were about to take her out on a date, and Eddie’s already got that covered. Eddie Lacy’s girlfriend also taught “zumba” classes for a short time in New Orleans. Now, if you’ve never heard of zumba (most men in the world) then I’ll just simplify it by saying it’s a a fitness program where you dance in a primarily Latin American style. Originally, Jasmine’s sales pitch on the internet to get people to go to her class was: “Every class feels like a party! You don’t even have to know how to dance. Just move your body and follow my lead. It’s easy! Come try it, I guarantee you will have a blast!” Boom! I’m there, Jasmine.

Jasmine also has an adorable little boxer named Knox whom she uploaded onto YouTube howling along with her when he was a little pup. It’s pretty dang cute, I gotta’ admit. By this time, the dog would be around two years old and fully grown.

Eddie Lacy’s girlfriend needs to take Knox on a run with Eddie because boxers are fun to run with even though they’re not really built for it because they tend to overheat quickly and don’t breathe so well. Either way, she’s got a really cute dog. Other than hanging with friends and dogs, she’s really into fashion and talks a lot about stuff she’s wearing, has worn, or intends to wear.

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Well here she is, everybody: Jeremy Langford’s girlfriend. She looks pretty darn hot to me, but the big question is who is she? She had her birthday 31 weeks ago, which means she celebrated it in April (by going out to a club and dancing the night away with the big fella’). Firstly, where would you rather be– stuck at a college campus trying to push your way through a bachelor’s in sociology and studying, or at a happening club with a hot girl on your arm right before being drafted into the NFL? Yeah, life’s getting really cool for Langford now that he’s taken over for injured Matt Forte, and he’s helping the Bears out at the young age of 21.

So what about the ‘Lil Missy there? It’s time to keep things on the down-low for the two of them because they’re clearly not interested in putting her in the spotlight at this age. It’s entirely possible that they met in college and are attempting to bring the relationship into the real world, so to speak. If that’s the case, then I applaud Jeremy Langford’s girlfriend for hanging’ tough. He’s a handsome young fellow, and now that he’s showing his mettle on the field, people are definitely starting to take note of his potential value to the Chicago organization.

One of the real mysteries for me is where Jeremy Langford’s girlfriend was dancing with him in the photo of them at the club, and part of the mystery can be revealed by looking at another photo of him (dressed in the same black t-shirt and black pants and belt garb) indoors. You can see through the windows that there’s palm trees and extravagantly lit-up sides of buildings, and so my first though was they’re in Vegas! It’s entirely possible, but since they were celebrating the young lady’s birthday, they might not have traveled all the way out to Vegas, but they sure as hell weren’t in Michigan– that I can guarantee.

So here’s the question: Who is Jeremy Langford’s girlfriend? We’re putting it out there to you the readers, who’ve delivered time, and time again. Help us out!!

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Antrel Rolle’s girlfriend Valene has been with him in some form or fashion since middle school, and they have a child together named Antrel Jr. The duo are certainly best friends, and they do everything exactly the same way as any officially married couple. This kind of civil arrangement is fairly commonplace in professional sports, and I gotta’ be honest– I think it’s very smart for young athletes. All kinds of things can happen throughout the course of a young athlete’s life, and sometimes marriage can just complicate things. I applaud these two for going nontraditional here and not rushing into marriage.

Shortly after the birth of their child, Antrel called him “the best thing he’s ever done in his life.”

First off I want to Thank the Lord Above for allowing us to give birth to a healthy baby boy yesterday morning at 7:09am. Life really did change for me at 7:09.1! I could have never ever imagined having a feeling like this in the world. We have had remarkable care and support from both of our families who we cannot thank enough. The journey begins now! Jr. Has two parents that love him endlessly and I am sure he can see that already. The things u are willing to do for your kid is nothing less than amazing. Just when u think u have known someone's strength for 13 years they surprise u in clutch moments. Val (jr mom) just showed me strength to the 20th power! I cannot thank her enough for my son. Love u girl #IHopeHeLooksLikeHisMother #Celious #ThatsMyBoy #babyrolle

A photo posted by @celious26 on May 21, 2015 at 7:20am PDT

Antrel Rolle’s girlfriend was praised by him as well, and he said even after thirteen years of knowing someone he continue to finds new strength in her. That’s a very nice compliment to give someone, and the birth of their son together most certainly drew them closer together. He calls their dog Louis his son’s “older brother.” Valene sends him pictures of them together, and he says each one melts his heart. The two are very dedicated to their son, and Antrel is also extremely loving and dedicated to his brother’s own son, who is in the second grade and whom is doing very well in school so far.

We might as well quickly mention Antrel’s sense of humor here to give you more of an idea of how light-hearted this couple is. Antrel posted a few pictures of some goofy things his teammates were wearing after a practice, and he held a little contest to see if someone could guess which teammates they were. One of the items of clothing was a leopard-skin one piece (???). I mean, you hang a leopard-skin onesie in a football locker room, you should expect your teammate to thoroughly lambast you. You can bet Antrel Rolle’s girlfriend was laughing too. She’s always got her classy style grooving right along.

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Tracy Porter’s wife Devyn Porter is the mother of two young ladies and the owner of her own business. She’s a graduate of the Academy of Art University in San Francisco and still apparently calls Baton Rouge home even though Tracy’s playing on the Chicago Bears. They may or may not have relocated, but since Tracy is originally from Port Allen, Louisiana, it makes sense if their home base is still in Louisiana although she likely just didn’t change her status.

At the time when Tracy Porter’s wife was going through her second pregnancy in 2012, Tracy was actually having trouble with fainting and seizure spells. As you might imagine, this was sort of freaking out Devyn, and Tracy got it mostly under control with the help of doctors and medication. Their wedding came only one year before their second pregnancy, and the couple was married in February of 2011. Prior to the life of motherhood, Devyn had been a designer-type going all the way back to high school when she was making custom t-shirts and selling them. She describes her upbringing as “privileged” and says she used to work apprenticeships in her family’s prominent business. She doesn’t make it clear what that business is but she says that it gave her the ambition to start her own.

According to one of Devyn’s websites, she began to style her husband after they were married. I’m sure he loved that! Tracy Porter’s wife also designed special bath robes for the team. Then she says the natural progression was to develop her own “lip line,” which is made of only natural ingredients. She’s even got a blue one, and I guess that’s not such a big deal but I’m a guy and I rarely see anyone wearing blue lipstick. At what point do you crack the code for a blue lipstick that uses only natural ingredients? Are you throwing together blueberries and oils and clay and then happen upon the winning formula?

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Matthew Slater’s wife Shahrzad Ehdaivand is a doctor who attended Brown University! I think I just found the most impressive player wife ever. It’s not every day that you come across a woman married to a professional athlete who is a practicing physician from an Ivy school, folks. Trust me, this is a big deal. She may even have a more interesting life than Mr. Slater himself, and now she’s a mom– the couple just had their first child on November 25, 2015. Slater, who is the player’s union rep for the team, said in October of 2015 that he didn’t appreciate playing Thursday games because he thought they compromised the ability to heal from a game and recover. His wife would surely agree with him, being a savvy to the human body and how it gets pulverized during a pro football match.

Only six days after winning the Super Bowl, Mathew Slater’s wife was married to him after a lengthy time dating one anothert. Shahrzad is a pathologist, and after she graduated from Brown she got her medical degree from the Geisel School of Medicine at Dartmouth. That is some professional pedigree right there. Being a pathologist means that Shahrzad specializes in diagnosing and characterizing diseases and their causes. They also interpret tests by cardiologists and dermatologists. That’s serious business.

Shahrzad is now recuperating from the pregnancy, and will likely be out on maternity leave for some time. For his part, Matthew only had to excuse himself from a walkthrough practice and now he’s back in gear. That’s just the life of a sports family, I guess. Seems extremely unfair but what’re you gonna’ do? Since Shahrzad practices medicine in Providence, it’s not such a bad commute to the Foxboro area. The couple may not be situated in Foxboro so the commute may not be more than ten or fifteen minutes. I hope the Slater/Ehdaivand family stays put just so they don’t have to get uprooted. I seriously wonder if Matthew Slater’s wife would even move to a different city if he were traded. Potentially, it is doable but it is much more of a headache for a pathologist than it is for a cheerleader.

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Well, I don’t know if Derek Wolfe’s girlfriend Kristy Althaus officially embarrassed him (probably why she’s now his ex-girlfriend). Wolfe really appeared flustered after she made an,… ahem,… adult themed video behind his back. He deleted all of his social media accounts after he found out. That kind of tells you something. He did at one point say he thought she was beautiful inside and out, and hey just because she makes a movie behind his back doesn’t mean she’s not still beautiful inside and out, does it? I mean, it’s just a matter of perspective. To Mr. Wolfe, she may not appear so beautiful, but to the guy she’s on video with, she’s really beautiful, inside and out.

Young Kristy’s story began when she placed second in the Miss Colorado Teen USA in 2012. Before she was Derek Wolfe’s girlfriend, that pageant was a big deal for her, though in hindsight it sounds like nothing at all. More than a year later the company that runs the beauty pageant found out she made a porno and deleted all the footage of her. Okay, so I guess they didn’t want to be associated with a chick who was in a porn. Then, while she was dating Wolfe, she allegedly gave him the impression that it was a one-off and that she wouldn’t be doing it again. Well, that wasn’t the case. In fact, you can fire up the ‘ole incognito web browser right now and watch her. Have fun, folks!

Moving forward, Derek Wolfe’s ex-girlfriend hasn’t made any more pornos, but she’s a big hit from what she has cranked out. Interestingly, appearing in a porn may not technically be breaking any pageant rules, as heavy.com pointed out. The website says the contestant must remain single throughout the competition and must not have a child. Well, she was never technically married or with child during the competition, right? Besides, the first round of porno-making didn’t even occur during the competition. I say these pageant people are too uptight.

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Danny Trevathan’s girlfriend LaToria Burns is the mother of their daughter, Danoir. LaToria’s from Jackson, Mississippi originally, and she met him in college while he was ripping it up at the University of Kentucky. Trevathan admittedly was never an ace student, and he nearly missed his opportunity to go to college for free and become a football star when scouts showed up to his high school to check him out on a day when he skipped. His coach chewed him out and it never happened again.

The Denver Post wrote a piece about Mr. Trevathan’s journey with his lady, and he used to sing to her pregnant stomach before she popped. Danny Trevathan’s girlfriend gave birth in November of 2013, and it was a big day for both of them. Her first words were “dada.” The couple are generally home bodies cooking and watching movies. According to the two of them, the birth of their daughter changed Danny in the way you always hear about from newly minted fathers: more focused, more dedicated, more responsible, etc. After a slew of punishing injuries last year, LaToria was plenty anxious about how Danny would perform this year. So far it seems fine to me since he’s played in every game and started each time.

LaToria is now fully engaged in her new mother status just like Danny. She goes to most all of the home games, and Danny says of her, “It’s real knowing your shorty’s got your back.” That translates to “it feels good to know that your girlfriend stands by you.” He calls her his motivation and jokingly refers to her as both his “dream and nightmare.” They like to dress up in crazy ways sometimes when they hit the town, wearing leopard skins, jean jackets, backwards leopard skin caps. They go out in such garb and Danny says, “Can’t tell us nothin.'” Two young parents still enjoying life.

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Kevin Huber’s girlfriend Mindi Naticchioni is now engaged to Kevin, but that’s small potatoes when it comes to interesting news about her. Not only was this chick a successful Hollywood actress, but she is now in med school! Let me just define what constitutes a successful actress for those of you who may have high-minded ideas about acting: it’s any actor who gets paid for acting, and that’s just what Mindi was doing before she changed her mind about her career path. She was doing a lot of commercials for sweaters and Speedway and employee training videos, according to an interview she gave with Health News. Then she just told her casting agencies not to send her anything else because she was making a clean break and going into medicine.

Not only did she decide to go into medicine, but she turned down a post-baccalaureate​ program at the University of Southern California, and their acceptance rate is 2%! She decided to head back to the University of Cincinnati because it would cost way less and she liked Cincinnati. I believe it’s likely that Kevin Huber’s girlfriend will pursue cardiology since she seemed to be most jazzed about that when she talked about it in her interview. She was shadowing her mentor, a man by the name of Jack Rubinstein, and she said she was very interested in that particular field.

Aside from being very pretty and super smart, Mindi thinks of herself as “kind of boring” when it comes to her hobbies and free time. She says running, watching movies, and cooking. Kevin Huber’s girlfriend also has a dog that she calls “the love of her life,” and it’s a chug– a Chihuahua Pug mix named Piper. At the end of her interview with Health News, she said she was an advocate for animal rescue, and that’s worth repeating here too. To me, it seems very likely that Mindi will complete her medical training and becoming a certified cardiologist. Good lord, that would be another miracle in the land of player wives. I can’t tell you how rare it is to see a woman married to a professional athlete who is or is becoming a doctor. When you see this lady in her white coat in a few years in the cardiac ward, tell her you hope her success rate is higher than her husband’s inside-the-20 percentage rate.

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Joique Bell’s girlfriend Felicia is a Greek beauty who still prefers listening to Greek music over anything when she’s cruising in her Jeep Grand Cherokee. An interviewer for M Live followed the couple around and watched Joique visit his old college campus with his lady. Joique’s got a child from another mother named Devin, but they’re not together, and Felicia is the woman in his life now. Bell actually visits Wayne State quite often to work on is master’s in sports administration.

Felicia herself is eight years younger than Mr. Bell, which makes her 21 years of age. Joique Bell’s girlfriend is a cheerleader for the Detroit Lions, and she cheers for other professional Detroit teams too. Her actual cheering team is called the Detroit Pride Cheerleaders, and I guess they have something a little different worked out with the pro teams in Detroit since they’re not exclusive to one team but cheer for many Detroit teams. The company that owns the Detroit Pride Cheerleaders also owns a bunch of other cheering squads around the city, and it’s sort of like a cheering monopoly. Its run by some woman named Andrea Wilamowski, who was on The Biggest Loser and lost a whole bunch of weight. So now you know where Felicia is coming from as it relates to her cheering job.

Felicia does quite a lot of activities with her cheering squad, and that includes charity events like walk to end alzheimer’s and the Joique Bell football and cheerleading camp, which isn’t a charity at all and you’ve got to pay money for it, but it’s a nice camp for kids looking for something to do in the summer. Of course, Felicia thought this would be a great opportunity for her to get on the local Detroit radio and do some promotion for her boyfriend. Joique Bell’s girlfriend likes to work with kids and enjoys getting out there to show off some cheer moves.

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TJ Ward’s girlfriend (OK, ex-girlfriend) Remy Levy was featured in a YouTube video from 2013 about,…. eyelash extensions. A company paid some of the women from The Real Housewives of Cleveland to endorse some eyelash extensions, and TJ’s lady shows up at the very start to talk about how “effortlessly beautiful” her extensions make her feel. If that sounds like a video that won’t make you sad for humanity, then you are more than welcome to check it out. Trust me, you won’t be missing anything if you don’t.

Now, Remy classifies herself as a model and actress. What TJ Ward’s ex-girlfriend actually acted in and modeled for is more of a tricky question. Before you get the wrong idea about where this little portrait I’m painting is headed, let me first say that TJ Ward’s ex-girlfriend is a nice lady, and I’ve got nothing against her. It’s just that whenever someone ends up signing up for one of those Real Housewives shows, it’s like they’re crossing a consumerist border that can’t be uncrossed. Their soul will forever bare the grisly scarlet letter that denotes their absolute complicity in the drive for fame at all costs. The boundary of fame without shame, some might call it. Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong in being on a show about bitchy housewives, so let’s give the lady a break.

Remy’s a huge fan of Tupac, and she has claimed in a video that she’s the niece of Tupac (jokingly and in reference to some old school styles she was rocking). I like that she digs Tupac and posts a lot of his interview clips. One of the more head-scratching moments on social media that young Remy has taken part in was her posing in what seemed to be a Nike ad, clad in all Nike gear, except it was just her own picture that she made look like a nike ad. If you don’t think corporate culture permeates our lives to an insidious extent, look no further than our dear Remy here posing in an advertisement for a company that didn’t even pay her to pose in. I think she meant this picture to be a kind of audition shot.

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Jerraud Powers’ wife Leah Smith-Powers is the mother of two young whippersnappers and a vacationer of the lovely and high-priced Cabo San Lucas. This summer, the fam traveled down to that great Mexican getaway to soak up some scorching hot rays. One would think they’d be interested in traveling to a much more temperate climate during the summer, but that is simply not the case. You can imagine traveling in June from Arizona to Cabo. You’re going from an average mean temperature of 90.8 to an average mean temperature of 77.5. I ‘spose in a sense you’re going there to chill out?

Back when Leah and Jerraud were sporting Colts jerseys, they lived in another fairly hot and muggy place: Decatur, Alabama. Jerraud was born there and went to high school in the same town. You might guess that Jerraud Powers’ wife Leah is also an Alabama girl, and you’d be right. In fact, she attended school at Alabama while Jerraud was at Auburn. He mentioned once in a brief interview that all of his best friends from home are Alabama fans, and they send him Alabama stuff during Christmas and birthdays. He said he sends it all back. Weirdly, his wife’s best friend’s sister makes children’s books, and she sent them an Alabama bedtime stories book, which he also sent back! The lady got mad at them for that. That’s pretty funny to me. Apparently Jerraud won’t even let Leah hang her degrees in the house, which sounds pretty mean to me. Boy, these SEC rivalries are intense, huh?

I haven’t done an in-depth analysis of a wife’s tweets in awhile, and now is a good time to check out Jerraud Powers’ wife and her tweeting style. She tends to favor short, factual and upbeat tweets about what she’s up to. She never gets too detailed, and she very rarely has anything but a sense of humor about things. This is the ideal tweeting style for a lovely 20-something wife, in my humble opinion. I know that’s a very specific classification, but I’m just trying to say that I like the way she packs all the information in. Some examples are “My face is on fire…waxing after pregnancy is a no no! I’ll stick to threading!” and the ever-entertaining description about her kid throwing up in her armpit. If ever there was a “normal, cool mom” type, she’s it.

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Marvin Jones’ wife Jazmyn Jones has a spiffy name and a spiffy life. The two have been together for a long time now, and Jazzy Jazmyn got pregnant when she was just 18. At the time, Marvin was a freshman at Cal and was a little nervous about being a dad so young, but his own dad gave him support and made him feel confident about it. In an article from a Cincinnati website, Jones explained that his son’s first word was “dada” but he wasn’t around to catch it because he was too busy catching passes.

Jazmyn moved in with Marvin when he was a sophomore in college, and the couple had their second baby in October of 2011. They then proceeded to have their third son together about a year ago. So all together, they’ve been together for nine years and had three kids. They’re both still very young too. Marvin Jones’ wife is twenty-five years of age too. This summer they were lucky enough to get away to the Bahamas sans kids. They rode first class, naturally, and Nassau was their vacation island. I’ve been there, and to me it’s just like all the other Caribbean islands– sunny, warm, and full of alcohol.

I saw a picture of Marvin Jones’ wife with him at their high school senior prom back in 2008. They had different hair styles but not much has changed. Jazmyn also attended college at Cal, and every picture of her with her kids or with Marvin includes smiling faces. They’ve figured out how to enjoy their life and have fun, and judging by the throwback pictures that Marvin posted, they married soon after she got pregnant. They strike me as an all-around great couple.

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Larry Fitzgerald’s girlfriend Angela Nazario (actually ex-girlfriend) is the mother of one of his children and the holder of a restraining order against him. This restraining order is the result of an alleged domestic assault in 2008 after she visited his home with their son. Angela has since moved on from the event, and her child is now at least seven years old. She lives in Phoenix, Arizona and never moved away after the restraining order was filed, so she hopes she doesn’t run into Fitzgerald at bars since he’s still playing for Arizona.

Essentially what allegedly happened between Larry Fitzgerald’s ex-girlfriend and him was that they got into a shouting match, he asked her if she wanted to play fight, she hit him in the face, and he allegedly grabbed her by the hair, tossed her across the room and then slammed her down onto the marble floor. Angel said of the event “I was disoriented for awhile and could not get up, I remember he mumbled something about ‘that’s what happens when you try taking my son away from me.'” Of course, this is all alleged, and there’s no surefire way to know if Nazario’s story is 100% true.

Part of the reason Angela never moved away is because she’s originally from Flagstaff, Arizona, and all of her family is right there in Arizona. Heck, she’s still a Cardinals fan! Her son Devin is now an avid snowboarding enthusiast, and she takes him to the mountains when it’s the skiing season. Mr. Fitzgerald also spends a good amount of time with his son. The thing about these domestic violence things is that they don’t entirely define who an individual is, and even if Fitzgerald did beat up Angela, it doesn’t make him a bad person. Good people make bad mistakes sometimes, though.

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I read a short account about the following couple written by their wedding planner, and it gave me a good vibe about them. Andre Smith’s wife Talittla Smith is shy and humble just like him, and the wedding planner said that when she told Andre she was aware of who he was, he made a face that was a mixture of embarrassment and bashfulness. So after I became aware of this woman by her account of the couple, I was a little surprised to see that in the speech that Talittla gave to the guests of the wedding, the very first person that she thanked was the wedding planner. First of all, the wedding planner was paid good money to do her job; you don’t have to thank her with a microphone. Secondly, that’s the first person you felt obliged to thank? Come on, Talittla, you could have thanked basically anyone besides that chick. Thank God, thank Andre, thank his parents for having him, thank the Cincinatti Bengals for paying him so you both could make the wedding happen, thank your own parents for having you. Literally anyone would have been a better choice to thank first in your speech, holding a microphone in front of a hundred people.

I don’t mean to take this off the rails, but what are the chances that Andre Smith didn’t pay for their wedding? I think they are zero. He has an $18 million contract for three years. Do you really think he would insist on his fiance’s parents paying? Let’s get real. Anyway, enough of that. Andre Smith’s wife graduated from the University of Cincinnati in 2013, and they actually had a child a little under two years before their wedding. I watched some clips of their wedding celebration, and it was a classy affair with the standard showy cake that I’m sure tastes like rubber. Talittla’s originally from Alabama, and she was into history enough to major in it in college. I always low hearing about a woman who likes history. Nobody ever wants to talk about history with me.

We should all congratulate Andre Smith’s wife for recently losing a ton of weight. I saw pictures of her from her wedding and pictures of her from right now, and to me it looks like a good fifty pounds, easily. She reviewed a product having to do with working out her core, but when you lose that amount of weight, it’s nobody’s doing but your own. It just takes good hard work. Nice job, Talittla! Now we just have to see if Andre will follow her lead?

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Andrew Whitworth’s wife Melissa Whitworth is a former beauty pageant title holder. No, they don’t give out huge belts with massive gold plated titles in the center like in wrestling, but they do give out sashes, and Melissa wore a Miss Louisiana one. This woman has now sired four kids with Mr. Whitworth, and they just had their youngest one, Katherine, in the latter half of the football season in 2014. Melissa said she delivered her at 5AM, and then Andrew told her he had to go to work. That’s the life of a big ‘ole offensive tackle. Dude is 6’7″ and 330 pounds.

The couple still has a life now and again. In the offseason and while they get relatives or babysitters to take care of the kids, Andrew Whitworth’s wife sometimes gets taken out to nice Italian restaurants since that’s her favorite. They spend a lot of time in the offseason in Louisiana since they’re both from there, and she told an interviewer that they visited Disney for the first time this year and went to the beach a bunch. Walking around Disney World with four tiny kids sounds pretty rugged, but at least no one is going to try and take them if they see the security system (Andrew). Before all this, when the couple first met, Melissa was actually a local news anchor in his hometown, and she said she misses doing that, and she wants to go back to it someday.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t talk at least a little about her beauty pageant days. She competed in the pageants back in the early 2000’s, and she won the Miss Louisiana title in 2003 and subsequently competed in Miss America. She said of the pageants: “I will always support the Miss Louisiana and Miss America organizations because I’ve witnessed how instrumental they can be in developing young women into strong leaders of our society. To me, It’s never been about pretty dresses and being on stage. It’s truly about the betterment of young women.” I can dig that, but I’m guessing if those young women developed into strong leaders, they probably would’ve done that anyway, without or without the pageant. But I am hip to her pageant vibes.

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George Iloka’s girlfriend Gaby Barcelo is a Cuban woman who is what you might call smokin’ hot. She’s also got a killer sense of style. When asked where George gets his style from, he sort of shrugged and said it was from his girlfriend, and I think he was being honest there even though it sort of takes two people to really get a look together. For those of you who don’t follow his accounts, he’s known for showing off his extremely well put-together outfits. He’s easily the most well-dressed Cincinnati Bengal, and his girlfriend may be the most well-dressed Bengals girlfriend. Another aspect about Gaby is that she’s a gym rat. She’s always in the gym working on some different muscles areas, but she hasn’t overworked any areas that I can see. A lot of lady gym rats tend to get too ripped on their stomach, and that’s not my thing, but lordy– Gaby is perfecto.

She traveled with him in June of 2013 to St. Maarten to celebrate his birthday (and generally just do cool, pro-athlete baller stuff on a beautiful island). I myself just got back from St. Maarten and I can tell you it is one of the classiest Caribbean locales you could pick. George Iloka’s girlfriend knows the finer things in life, to be sure. She is of Cuban descent, as he has told his fans, One of the first sightings of her was by USA Today Sports back in December of 2013 but the pictures were actually taken in October of 2013 from a beach in Miami. Anyway, George had been posting pictures of them together long before that anyhow.

I’m going to do some additive relationship logic here, if you don’t mind, folks. Since their relationship was just getting going in 2013, and some of the first public sightings came from a Miami beach, and this woman is a Cuban Latina, it is no stretch to assume she is from Miami, where the largest population of Cubans reside. She calls Miami “her city” every time she posts a picture of something from there, so it’s 99% that she’s from there. I mean, she’s been living there for a long time.

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Let me tell you about something awesome: the relationship between Domata Peko’s wife Anna Peko and himself. These two are very devoted to their family and raising their kids and being good peoples. They’re also extremely religious, so if that’s your thing, you would love their vibes. It’s that good kind of piety, though, not the in-your-face kind.

Now let me tell you what’s not awesome. ​This whole “Whodey” thing. Anyone else with me on that? It’s just one of those sayings that doesn’t have the legs it needs to not become annoying after a short time, in my humble opinion. Enough Cincinnati.

Anyways, back to the subject matter. The couple has three kids– three young, long-haired gentlemen that look like Spartan warriors. Domata Peko’s wife and him raise them with the fun knob cranked to 11. I’m telling you, if you’re looking for cool parents, look no further than these two. I mean, we’re talking WWE events, we’re talking impromptu cupcake deliveries to the classroom, we’re talking backyard football training equipment, we’re talking concerts and pranks and volleyball outings. Trust me, these are some cool-ass parents. Hey, I’ll believe in whatever you want if you’re offering as fine an assortment of activities and events as these two are offering to their kids, and you can tell they’re not even going to end up spoiled. Their kids will end up perfectly adjusted, happy, and fun.

Anna, like Domata, is Samoan. It was her idea to start the Domata Peko Foundation, an organization centered on helping underprivileged kids. Gotta’ pump some privileges into these kids lives. I’m a little surprised that the couple choose not to live in or around Cincinnati just because it would make things easier as they relate to football, but instead they’ve chosen to take up residence in lovely Crestview, Kentucky. I can attest to the great hospitality of Kentuckians, so it’s a good fit for these two genuinely hospitable folks. Also, I’d just like to add that at the time of his pre-draft measurables, Domata weighed 307 pounds and ran the 40-yard dash in 5.2 seconds. That’s pretty darn good.

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Matt Patricia’s wife Raina Patricia is the mother of their two sons, Dominic and Dante, with another one on the way any day now. ​She’s apparently a Jimmy Buffett fan (is there anything more Massachusetts than that?). One of her favorite Buffett lines is “don’t try to describe the ocean if you’ve never seen it.” That’s kind of a snappy one, ey? The couple actually hung out with Buffett at a concert in Cincinnati in June of 2015 and let the guy wear Matt’s Super Bowl ring. I’ve got to say, the ring looks completely absurd and is the size of a large sand dollar. Most importantly, it should be noted that our lovely Buffett fan is pregnant and expecting in December of 2015.

For Halloween, Matt Patricia’s wife dressed up in a kind of camouflage dress. It was sort of half-assed compared to Bill Bellichick, his girlfriend, and even Matt’s costumes. Matt was dressed as a biker hippie guy with a camouflage shirt and a flannel. The couple was thematically crushed by Bill and his lady, who went the full pirate garb route. Hey, at least Raina and Matt participated, right? If you’re going to a costume party, you’ve got to at least put something different on. Speaking of people who went the extra mile for the Patriots Halloween Party, I should just mention briefly that Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen did not disappoint as the cowardly lion and Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz.” Great costumes, perfect people! Alright, now let’s quickly move off of their relationship before a covetous wave of envy washes over me.

Before she married him, Matt Patricia’s wife was known as Raina Grigelvich. She’s actually originally from Foxboro, according to Boston magazine, which had a series of small blurbs about her visiting Iceland and riding small horses around the country. I guess they thought it would be somewhat interesting for the travel section. She went there with her brother Scott and also visited the capital of Reykjavik. This was before she was known to be in a relationship with Matt, so her being featured in Boston magazine was just sort of a lucky coup for her. Let it be said that her name change from Raina Grigelvich to Raina Patricia seems very cool to me. Raina Patricia sounds pretty nifty compared to her old name.

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There’s been a storm brewin’ between these two for some time. Luke Petitgout’s wife Jennifer Petitgout testified in court very recently that he was a serial abuser when she lived with him. She also said he made profiles for him and his wife to try to get some three-ways going off the internet. While there’s nothing wrong with three-ways themselves, they tend not to work out too well unless both parties are interested in engaging in them.

It’s not looking too good for Mr. Petitgout. Jennifer is saying some really, really damning things about the 6’6″ 270 pound behemoth. She was married to him for fifteen years, and she said he first hit her all the way back in November of 2007 and gave her a black eye. Then, in 2008 Luke Petitgout’s wife claims he hit her again when they were vacationing with his family in Delaware. In 2014, while separated, she was at a date at a place called 48 Lounge in New York City right next to Rockefeller Center, and Luke Petitgout allegedly stormed into the place and slugged both of Jennifer and her date, jealous that they were seeing each other. According to the testimony of the guy she was dating, a man by the name of John Constantinides, they had met on an adult hookup website and had exchanged nude photos of one another before the meeting. Pettigout has been sentenced to 30 days in jail for the incident.

Anyway, Luke Petitgout’s wife had three daughters with him before she decided to hightail it out of there. It appears they still haven’t finalized the divorce, but they’ve been separated for some time, and the original divorce filing dated back to 2013. That means she lived with him for more than six years of alleged assaults. They used to make their home in Woodcliff, New Jersey, a nice neighborhood in Bergen County. She’s still living in New Jersey but hasn’t used her Twitter account in over a year. Here’s to hoping her life gains some peace and balance, ey?

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